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3/11/19 Weekly Reflection

Mar 12, 2019

We greet you in the name of our Lord Christ Jesus.

May the light of the Holy Spirit of our Lord, the Lord of love, mercy, and compassion shine upon all of us and may He grant us the knowledge, patience and wisdom to understand the richness of His teachings and missions which are intended to nurture our hearts and our lives.


[During a Good Friday visit in 1991between noon and 3:00 pm in a chapel in Temple, TX, I started to think of the human experience of Jesus being crucified. I tried to put myself in His place on the cross. These questions started coming as I thought about being crucified as He was. I wrote down the following thoughts as they were put in my mind. Remember that Jesus was the perfect sacrifice and would not have questioned Himself but I thought I would have . If you want to reflect on them, take your time and try to experience the questions and what you think Jesus would have answered. Maybe you have some different questions. The last one is the most important. T.K.]

Lord, when you hung on the cross:

Did you ever wish you hadn’t started this?

Did you ever question whether you did it right? Should have done more?

Did you wish you could change some things?


Within my humanity all those questions arose. Did I speak with enough people? Did I travel far enough? Were my parables clear enough or did I make them too subtle? Did I cure enough sickness of the soul and body? Should I have selected more apostles? In the Garden when I saw what was to become of my humanity I really wanted to change what was to be. Within my divinity I knew what the Father’s plan entailed and the necessity for his Son to follow the plan. I knew that it was started, would be done right, and would conclude as the Father desired.


Did you pass out from the pain, Lord?

Did you try to take the pressure off your wrists by pushing on the spike through your feet?

Did you hallucinate from the pain and exhaustion?

Did you ask your Father why He had abandoned you during hallucinations?

Did the cold or the heat make it worse, Lord?

Did insects land on your face and wounds?

Did your head hurt terribly?


The thorns, the bugs, the headache, first the heat, then the cold as I lost blood from all the wounds, the spikes, oh the spikes, every movement caused searing pain throughout my body. At first the pain of the thorns was masked by the pain of the spikes being driven into my wrists and ankles. Then that pain was masked by the pain in my shoulders and chest as my legs became weak and the weight of my body pulled on my arms and compressed my chest. The new pain covered the old pain until the last hours when all the pain was there. Every wound, muscle, bit of tissue, bone, and joint felt searing pain throughout my body. That’s when in a moment of utter pain and delirium I said, “My God, why have you forsaken me”.


Did you wonder if your mother could bear watching you die?

Did you feel the anguish of your mother?

Did you hurt for her anguish and that of your followers, Lord?

Did you wonder how many of your disciples would abandon their belief in you after you were


When the cross was raised and secured and after the initial searing pain my eyes slowly opened and searched for my mother. I saw her through the haze of blood and pain in my eyes. My mother…how I wanted to take her and hold her….to reassure her…to explain to her… to feel her loving arms around me once again as when I was a child. My mother suffered with me. Her emotional human pain was as severe as my physical pain. I knew the Father would comfort her and give her strength, but the part of me that here on earth knew a mother’s love for her child, the part of me that desired to protect her from pain, the part of me that wanted it all to go away was there. My humanity wanted to be back home in a safe place with my mother smiling as she hugged me. This looking at my mother suffering and her agony was also part of my physical suffering.


Did you get dejected and depressed that you gave so much and were so alone?

Did you know exactly what would happen?

Did you wonder how much longer you would last, Lord?

No….are you surprised? I did not get depressed. I knew what would happen. I knew there would be an end to the suffering. Remember that the Father sent me. His will was expressed to

  1. I knew his plan for your salvation. I, in my humanity, did not know exactly every detail of my suffering. I, in my divinity, did know that what I gave was out of love for you and that I was not alone. The Father, the Holy Spirit, the Heavenly Angels, Abraham, Moses, and all in heaven were with me in spirit. Dejected…no. While my body was wracked with pain and suffering, my spirit was full of joy and love for you. Depressed… NO. Joyful in spirit and love… YES.


Did the Good Thief encourage you a little?

Did the angels appear to you to bolster you?

Did your Father encourage you while you were on the cross?

Oh yes the Good Thief did encourage me. I was doing this for him. He represented all mankind to me. He believed in me. He accepted the promise of the Father. He repented. He reconciled himself with the Father. That is what this pain and suffering on the cross was all about. The angels sang prayers to me during the times I was quiet and was drifting in and out of consciousness. They gave spiritual strength to my soul and emotional strength to my humanity. My Father told me in the Garden when I was praying to Him and asking him to let this cup pass me by if it was at all possible, that he would come to me during the suffering to console me and shower me with his love and He did. When I was ready to give up He would come and tell me “just a little longer and it shall be done.”


Did you cry, Lord?

Yes, I did. I did not cry as a human. I cried in my soul for those that would not follow me or accept the message my Father sent me to deliver. I cried for those that would choose the dark path. I cried for those that would not spread the promise my Father made to mankind. I cried for those that ignore the New Covenant.


Did you scream?

Did the blood run into your eyes?

Did you cramp in your arms and shoulders?

Yes, oh yes. I resisted the urge to scream but I wanted to. I could not draw air into my lungs to scream. The blood covered me. The blood in my eyes blurred my vision. I could not see my mother. I could not see those that were with me until the end. Oh, my humanity wanted so much to see my mother. My arms felt like they were being pulled from my body. My shoulders were on fire from the physical pain of muscle and tissue being stretched and torn.


Did you writhe and struggle to get free?

No, I took this on willingly for you. I did it for your eternal soul and life in and with the Holy Trinity.


Did you wish for death to come soon, Lord?

Yes, near the end when I asked my Father if He had forgotten about me on the cross for my humanity desired suffering to be over. My spirit sustained me in that I knew it would be over when I had accomplished what my Father sent me to do. My Father’s love for us would end my suffering when all had been fulfilled.


Did you get angry at the pain; as what God wanted you to do?

No I didn’t. Anger is a feeling of belligerence, wrath, and displeasure resulting from being wronged. I had feelings of sadness that this pain was necessary. The new covenant with my Fathers children required a dramatic and spiritual event that would be imbedded in mankind forever. They didn’t listen nor did they return my Fathers trust and love. This pain on the cross was necessary.


Did you struggle to breathe, Lord?

Did you turn blue from lack of air?

Yes, my human body turned blue. My lungs were crushing under the weight of my human body, but my spirit, my soul, was alive and pink with the oxygen of my love, the Fathers love, and the Holy Spirit’s love for all of you.


Did you know the full extent of your success in saving us? Were you unsure?

Did you, even once, think you failed, Lord?

Did you feel it was worth it?

Did you think of me, Lord?

Did you know how badly I would let you down?

If you thought of me, was I one that made it worthwhile or one you couldn’t save? Yes. I knew you would fail at times. I knew you would fall into sin. I knew you would at times doubt. I also knew I was giving you the opportunity to come to me, to follow me, and be with my Father and the Holy Spirit forever. That is the beauty of my suffering for you. I knew that through my Father’s gift you could and would be saved. The thought that you would accept my love for you made it all worthwhile. I thought of you, yes I thought of you specifically. I saw your weakness, your times of doubt, and the devil tempting you. I also saw you kneeling in prayer. I saw you reconciling with the Father. I saw the joy in your soul as you reached out to me and took me into your body and soul at Mass. Peace be with you my child. I love you with an unconditional love and mercy for all eternity. You are worthy…. enter unto my roof.


By Nick Vidonic


  • MICHAEL MERCADANTEPosted on 3/21/19

    beautifully done .... often wish I could think so deeply and to express myself that well.

  • Kathy HautPosted on 3/12/19

    I love the way you incorporated Jesus humanity and divinity in your responses. He is fully human and fully divine, so hard to grasp. The message: "you are worthy" is so important. The last paragraph is exceptional! Great reflection Nick.



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